I have just had an amazing and incredibly inspiring experience that I would love to share with you!

In July of this year I preregistered for a World Wide Spiritual Seminar to be held in Minneapolis Minnesota. I purchased my return flight and booked my hotel room from October 18th to the 22nd. I was so excited about this upcoming adventure and was counting down the months, weeks and days before I was to go. Well then of course there came the Achilles ordeal. This caused a bit of doubt in my mind as to my ability to actually go through with this trip. You see, I have never travelled on a plane by myself before and certainly have never travelled “disabled” in a wheelchair. I wondered to myself if I could actually go through with this. However I didn%92t wonder for too long. The desire to attend this event was just too strong. I thought to myself, “How can I not go?”

Excitement once again replaced doubts but I also found that as the time got closer, really close, my fear began to increase. I had plenty of opportunities to back out. I had purchased cancellation insurance and many of my family members and friends kept reminding me that I did not have to go. But in my heart there really was no option. I just knew that had to go. Something very strong was drawing me there.

The night before the trip I did not sleep much. Feelings of excitement and fear alternated in my mind. Can I do this? I have to have faith. It will be worth it. Will everything be ok though? Really what is the worst that can happen? And just think of the adventures that await. Back and forth, my mind was reeling.

Morning finally came and despite the entire inner struggle of the night, I felt that I was ready, it was time to go. At that exact moment of resolve a wonderful sense of calm began to surround me. Perhaps I was just numb due to the lack of sleep. Or maybe I was just relieved to have finally once and for all solidified the decision in my mind. Regardless of what it was, I certainly appreciated this feeling of peace.

We loaded up the van with my few bags, my wheel chair and crutches too. The words “I can do this” repeated in my inner ear over and over again. During the entire drive to the airport I felt this same strangely calm sense of inner peace, even when time was ticking down and we were stuck in traffic, going nowhere. It seemed that at the exact instant when a trickle of doubt would needle its way into my mind, immediately there would be a sign that would present itself and quite effectively tell me that everything would be ok, nipping that fear in the bud. I was so grateful for this.

We arrived at the airport. I looked around and thought to myself, “Oh my goodness this place is so big. Can I really do this?” But at this point there was absolutely no way I would turn back. I thought to myself, “Ok, here I go…I CAN DO THIS!... What will be will be.” I said goodbye to my husband and my daughter and off I went. Ready or not, this journey had begun.

I wheeled myself to the NWA area and boom…my mind went blank. Oh my God, what now? It has been so long since I%92ve travelled with my husband. Everything was different… E-tickets and self serve check in. I thought to myself, “How do I do this? Where do I begin?” I guess that I must have looked a little bit (or a lot) lost and perplexed because a lady in uniform came up to me and asked if I needed any help. My initial knee jerk response to her question was to say, “No thanks, I%92m ok” and struggle through the hard way. But thankfully I caught that one before it escaped my lips. Instead, “Yes! I need help! I just don%92t know what to do” came tumbling out of my mouth, replacing those old, familiar, stubborn, ego centered words. I admitted my weakness and wow what a response I received in doing so! This wonderful young woman with the spiky blonde tipped hair and bubbling personality right away grabbed my chair and we were off like the wind. Whew! A huge sense of relief immediately replaced my insecurity. It was wonderful! This “Angel in disguise” helped me to check in my bag, get my boarding pass, go through customs and brought me to the exact place where I needed to be. The feeling of gratitude that I was experiencing at the time, I must say, was head and shoulders above any that I had ever experienced before. But I also must say that I have never been faced with a challenge such as this one before and here I was, right where I needed to be! I thought to myself, “Wow! This is working! I AM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!”

The flight was wonderful and fairly comfortable on my leg too. I had a terrific lady sitting in the seat next to me. We chatted for a good part of the flight, which made the time fly by (no pun intended). The attendants were also very friendly and helpful as well. What more could I ask for? Once we arrived in Minneapolis the pilot himself wheeled me off the plane and into the waiting area. He arranged for a wheelchair attendant who arrived immediately. This man, another “Angel” quickly wheeled me through the maze of this unfamiliar airport, helped me to retrieve my checked in bag and found transportation to the hotel as well! Again I was so grateful. Actually, I can honestly say that the feeling of gratitude had not left me for an instant since I encountered the bubbly uniformed lady in Vancouver. I found that from one moment to the next, I just had so much to be grateful for. And wholeheartedly, I was.

There were a couple of comedic errors when it came to collapsing and setting up the wheelchair with the taxi men. I assumed that they would know how to do it but I assumed wrong. Three of them were struggling to collapse the thing, banging into each other, bantering back and forth in some foreign language that I could not understand. Normally I think that I may have been disturbed by this ordeal. I would probably have worried about the safety of the chair, as it was only rented. But with the state of mind and attitude that I was in at the time I actually found that this situation was really quite funny. They actually reminded me of the Three Stooges. After a while of enjoying the amusement in watching them struggle with this chair and each other, I realized that the time had come when I should probably intervene. I reached up over the seat and pointed out the latch that they needed to press to release the leg brace… “Tah Dah”, with this the chair slipped easily into the back of the van. We all laughed for a moment at the simplicity of the ordeal and then we were on our way. Once we arrived at the hotel there was another bit of a struggle with the chair. This time there was nothing that I could do because I hadn%92t noticed the problem. But at that exact moment a fellow guest of the hotel stepped in. She was a wonderful middle aged lady with short brown hair that shone gold in the light of the entrance. Another “Angel”? She noticed that the cab driver had not put on the brakes of the chair and had I have tried to grab the handles and sit down; it could easily have resulted in another accident. Lord knows I didn%92t need that. Thank goodness she saved me from this. We talked for a bit, this “Angel” and I. Lightheartedly we exchanged injury stories; recently she had just sprained her ankle leaving a plane. We laughed at our apparent misfortunes, both caused by being in a hurry, and then kindly she offered to help me make it to the check in desk. I hoped that I would run into her again over the weekend; however this was not meant to be. But thanks to her kindness the feeling of gratitude continued. In fact at this point it, to my surprise, it had even begun to grow. I did not think that this was possible!

Once I was in my room and the bell person was gone I sat there for a moment. Alone and quiet I stared out at the twinkling lights of this unfamiliar city. It was like a dream. I just could not believe that I was here. I had made it! Here I was…but then a sinking feeling began to set in and grew quite rapidly into a feeling of fear. Oh no! What do I do now? I didn%92t have a clue! The Seminar was beginning the next morning. I did not have a program and did not know where to go to get one. Being in a wheel chair, it%92s not that easy to just jump up and run around looking for things. By this point too, I was physically quite exhausted and just could not even begin to think about exploring the hotel, let alone attempting to find the convention center. Besides this fact, with the time change, it was already quite late in the day. I felt so lost at this point and began to cry. I had made it so far but now what? Then all of a sudden the tears ceased at once and a thought came to me. One month earlier a friend had given me the cell phone number of a mutual friend of ours who was also planning to attend this seminar. I did not have the number with me so I decided to call home. I was not exactly sure of where I had placed the tiny piece of paper that contained his number but I took a chance and guessed. My husband went to the spot that I mentioned and thankfully there it was. As he read the phone number, all at once that familiar feeling of gratitude began to wash over me once again. I thanked him profusely and hung up the phone. Immediately I called my friend. He was so surprised to hear from me and quickly came over to my hotel room with his family, bringing with them a program guide that also contained a map to the hotel and convention center. He explained exactly what I needed to do in the morning and also gave me some suggestions on particular workshops that he thought I might enjoy, which by the way I did. More gratitude, more peace… I felt so incredibly fortunate that everything seemed to be falling into place step by step, so easily. One other thing that I must note is a comment that my friend said to me before he and his family left my room: “We are in this world to learn how to give and receive love. Giving is easy. We all like the feeling. But then the time comes when we need to learn how to receive, so that someone else can enjoy that good feeling too.” These words struck my heart like an arrow and many times I found them repeating in my inner ear throughout the weekend.

The next day the Seminar began. As I have mentioned earlier in a previous blog post, a particularly meaningful and powerful mantra for me is HU, pronounced “hue” as in the description of a color. Well the first event that I attended was one that I shared with literally hundreds of the thousands of people from all over the world that were attending this seminar. All together in one huge ball room, as a group we sang this special mantra, the rolling HU, for approximately 20 minutes. I have to say that the energy generated from this beautiful sound was one that I had never in my life experienced until then. It was absolutely and truly amazing; an experience that I will never forget. What a way to start the weekend! Now, not only did gratitude fill my heart but a phenomenal amount of love did as well. Basically though, I believe that the feeling of love and gratitude are one and the same. What a feeling! I certainly must have been glowing at this point, filled with this positive and radiant energy. I have never in my life felt so open and receptive and so entirely filled with pure love. In short, it was an awesome experience.

Throughout the seminar, I am happy to say that I managed to make it to many of the venues; attending workshops, presentations and other programs. All of which continued to add to this feeling of love and gratitude. I gained so much from these events. I cannot even begin to put this into words.

Another opportunity that I was constantly presented with during this seminar weekend was the chance to allow other people the occasion to feel the wonderful sensation that comes with giving. Whenever someone asked if I needed or would like help, I accepted. And in doing so, I was continually being filled more and more with the amazing sensation of gratitude. This was truly a weekend of nonstop giving and receiving. What a beautiful thing! I had many many people offer to help me by pushing my chair, getting onto the elevator (which I must note is not a small task when there are literally thousands of people attending this event), and helping me in many other ways. So much love, so much gratitude, so amazing!

Nearing the end of the weekend I found that I was actually physically vibrating inside with this pure loving energy and decided that I needed to balance myself. I decided to venture outside for some fresh air. Up until this point I had stuck mainly to the hotel where many of the events were located and for those events that were held at the convention center I was able to take the enclosed skyway to attend them. That had been entirely fine with me to this point. However, this particular day I felt different. This time I felt that I needed to make my way to the convention center by going outside. I had a general idea where it was, thinking about the direction of the skyway. How difficult could this be? Well I was unaware of the fact that there were other skyways coming from other hotels. So in short, I got turned around. I had not gone too far really but by this time my arms and hands were becoming quite tired from pushing the chair along the uneven sidewalks. I did not want to get myself lost any further. Just then I noticed a group of three homeless people a little distance from me so I rolled up toward them. Two of them were sitting on a bench and one was in a wheelchair just like me. I smiled and asked them for directions to the convention center. Their faces lit up in smiles as well. They were happy to give me directions. Perhaps they were happy that I actually stopped and acknowledged them. Perhaps they were happy for the chance to experience that wonderful opportunity to give. Regardless, I felt good talking with them. I truly enjoyed the experience. Any other time, I must admit that I may have been afraid to approach these people. In the past I remember being warned about “Street People”and of course as a child I was told not to talk to strangers. Funny, this fear has stuck with me over the years, but this time there was absolutely no presence of fear whatsoever. I%92m reminded right now of the saying “Where there is love, fear cannot exist.” One of the men even asked if he could sign my cast. I just happened to have a felt pen with me and asked if he was serious. He said yes he was. So I pulled out the pen and he signed his name. He wrote his last name in a funky graffiti style. I treasure this signature because I treasure this experience where I was able to let go of yet another fear. We exchanged goodbyes and well wishes and then I was off again, rolling down the sidewalk.

I easily made it to the convention center, following the directions that I was given by the group. Being the last day of the weekend, many people were preparing to leave the city and return to their home lands. Because of this I was faced with an absolutely amazing sight as I entered the building. So many people gathered together, talking and laughing. So many hugs exchanged. Upon sight, I felt as though my heart would burst. There were people from all four corners of the globe all embracing the moment in a oneness of Spirit. What an amazing thing to see. And what an amazing experience to be a part of! While I write these words, tears are beginning to fill my eyes with the memory of this time. There were so many people with different lives and from different places but all with one thing in common: Each one of us shared a love for life and a love for Spirit. It was funny, you did not even need to fully understand the language that the other was speaking, the feeling of unity was just so strong. It truly was a beautiful thing, an amazing time that I will never forget.

I hope that I have written these words in a way that you may actually picture and feel the scene. It truly was awesome and something that I honestly wish that everyone on the face of this earth could one day experience for themselves.

I have to say that whatever is inside of me, that part of me that was urging me on to face my fear and go to this seminar, despite my perceived limitations at the time, is also a blessing in itself. Because of this experience I feel that I am forever changed. I feel that I have the ability to see life in a different way, in many different ways actually. I have been given a small taste of what it is like to be disabled and can now see that in the past I may not have always interacted with disabled people well, or more appropriately; I have just not interacted with disabled people much at all. This not how I choose to be any more. I have never been rude to anyone who has been physically challenged, but I must admit that I have always had a bit of a fear and a feeling of disconnection with people in wheelchairs. I guess I just did not understand. I can also see now that no matter where on earth you come from, or what your particular state is in life, we are all basically the same. We all want the opportunity to give and receive love. I guess, as my friend said, that really is the reason why we are here.

There is so much more that I could say about this experience but as it stands now this is the longest blog entry that I have ever written and my fingers are getting tired. So I think that I will close here. For those of you who have read to this point, I would like to thank you for sharing this journey with me. Perhaps in time more and more of the moments of enlightenment that I gained through this amazing weekend will filter into my writing, but for now, this is what I wanted to share with you today. I hope that in some way, reading these words will inspire you to face your own fears and see them for what they really are…nothing…NO THING. They are just not real. As I said earlier: “Where there is love, fear cannot exist.” And in trying something new we can only gain from the experience, in turn making our lives better, and much more fulfilling. And as human beings this can only make us far more able to open our hearts wider so that we may fully enjoy this magnificent life and wonderful world that we have all been blessed with.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY POST. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY COMMENTS THAT YOU MAY HAVE. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

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I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE AN INSPIRING DAY FILLED TO OVERFLOWING WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE
ALL THE BEST TO YOU NOW AND ALWAYS
PAM

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